Sick of it...

232.5 (9:39PM)
I know a few things.
I don't like me.  I don't know if I will like me at the weight I want to be.  I don't even know what weight I want to be.  I just know that I am unhappy before I eat, during eating and after. 
I want to take the steps to build up my confidence to find the things I like and parts of me that are good. 
I wonder if I put myself out there will I find more success in my endeavor?  I can try.
So, today is my last day of fatty nothingness.
What can I do to start?  Well, I suppose this is what this blog is for.  Accountability. 
Who will read this?  I dunno. 
I am not sure what I want out of this other than trying to be happy with myself. 
Let me get to some basics that allow me to be unhappy with myself.  I am of course putting this out there because I think it may lay some large ground work of what I need to overcome. 
I love food.
I guess I can continue to love food...but, in moderation right?! 
As I write this I feel so helpless. 
H ow will I ever start?
E xauted at the amounts of times I have tried and FAILED.
L onely because I feel like NO one is there to help me.
P ositively out of control in eating.
L osing is what I am good at.
E xasperated in feeling so alone.
S eriously concerned this may not work too...
S tarting to wonder if I may feel unhappy like this FOREVER.

Wishing I can turn this into HOPEFUL.....