The next 24 hours....

These next 24 hours will probably be the toughest. I am predicting my failures before it happens!  It's New Years Eve and we are going to a neighbors house.  I was requested a dip.  Soooooo, a jalepeño popper dip is on it's way.  Low calorie???  No Way!  Do I have to eat it?  Nope.  Will I?  Most likely.  Blah!  Add to the fact that we will be drinking.  I am again at a crossroads with beer.  Judge all you want.  But, everyone has their vices. 

I will be trying really hard to be good with snacking.  Who doesn't love a good appetizer table?  This is another thing that makes me weak in the knees...appetizers.  I wonder if I could make something better?  Cauliflower pizza bites maybe?  

To continue the 24 hours of toughness...a yummy breakfast.  Crockpot egg extravaganza.  Eggs, potatoes, green and red peppers, cheese.....for breakfast.  Protien fun or mistake?  Moderation please.  

Good news...I got on the scale this AM.  I am down 2lbs!  254lbs!  Go me!  

Drinking calories...days 2 & 3

Day 2 brought some wrong choices for me.  I did ok overall.  I worked out, had a nice salad for lunch, and dinner I kept to 2 slices of pepperoni pizza.  After dinner is when things went wrong.  I had some beer.  What a wasteful way to have calories, right?  Nearly 400 of them.  Yes, friends, I had 4 beers.  I I kept within my caloric needs.  I had planned to drink only on the new year this week. But, temptation got me.  It may always get me.  That is one of my huge battles here...is not to drink away my calories. I have cut down a lot over the last year.  I used to have nearly a beer a day.  Plus several on the weekends.  Now, I limit it to Saturdays.  It has been tough...I guess that nearly admits I have a problem.  I am learning to moderate that intake.  Don't judge.  I know I am not alone.  

Real life doesn't like to fit into a new routine of healthy changes.  I had an ok day.  I worked out then drove all over to complete some errands.  In doing so, I missed lunch.  Ahhhh!  A skipped meal.  Let's be for real, we have all done it and survived.  Doesn't mean I wasn't starving when I came home.  I was...really hungry.  I had a protien and veggie packed dinner.  I bought these high fiber, low calorie tortilla wraps.  Cooked up some ground turkey, threw in onion, finely blended cilantro/red & green pepper, can of corn, green chiles, and black beans.  Put it in the tortilla with some lettuce, low calorie cheese, sour cream and ate up.  2 of them actually.  Yummy!  The kids and DH seemed to like it too.  I have plenty of left overs to have a lunch with one!  

I do need to post some before pictures.  Day 3 of any lifestyle change is probably a tough one.  I know it was difficult to get the workout in.  But, one day at a time!  Must do it!!

Day 1 in the books.

Yup, I got through day one.  I ate ok, exercised and loaded up on my water intake.  I have some good things, as well as bad things.

Good:

- I did a Leslie Sansone 3 mile walk that was 43 minutes, and a 4 rep bicycle crunches (10e ach rep).

- I managed to eat a dinner at my MIL's that could have done my day in, but! it didn't.  I loaded up on turkey.  

- no dessert after her dinner too!

- I didn't have any beer (this is huge...she may start to think I am preggers if I don't drink in front of her at some point)

- I went on a 15 minute post dinner walk that involved a big hill and city steps.

- I did approach DH to enlist his help.

The Bad:

- I had two small rolls at dinner with some I Can't Believe it's not butter.

- I had two slices of cranberry jelly (however, I chose this over gravy!)

- I ate canned corn.  I hear you think...it's a veggie!  Corn isn't the best veggie, and it is best fresh...certainly not canned.  

The Ugly:

- I ate under 1,000 calories.  With exercise, that went to a net of almost 400 calories.  That won't get a weight loss healthily.  I need to fuel my body correctly, not take away the fuel.

- I weighed in and saw I was not the 250lbs I weighed in nearly a week and a half ago, I was in fact 256lbs.  I had to edit my first post yesterday.  

A little bit later....

After posting, it really got me thinking about some things I want to achieve when the weight comes off. Let me think of the things I don't like at 250lbs....

1) my arms falling asleep when I am in bed.  I can't curl my arms under my pillow because the pins and needles start and I loose feeling in my fingers.  I hate waking up to dead hands. I flop them over and try to get feeling back fast!

2) ease to eliminate my plantar fasciitis.  Getting up in the morning or after sitting a while my right foot screams in pain.  I limp around for it to begin warming up for proper walking.

3) the fact that I have so much excess fat that I need to use deodorant on my inner thighs to prevent sweat and smell.

4) in the summer or heat, my excess sweating.  When I sit, I literally leave a wet mark from my butt.  Ew, gross.

5) I have only had it twice, but a yeast infection in the folds of my legs and pelvic area.  Talk about feeling disgusting.

6) going up and down stairs without hearing my skin slap.  Yup, love that sound --- NOT.

7) better sex.  Really?  Yes.  Not having to move my butt cheek to allow better access.  I know, TMI.  However, someone out there has that issue too and will connect to me in some way....

8) getting on amusement rides and not having to change seats to not make the ride move correctly, or at least FIT in a ride.  Embarrassing.

9) to stop hiding behind friends/family in pictures.  Or perfecting the right stance to not look so huge.  Yes, I have found that stance.  

10) to stop cropping pictures to not look as big.

11) to not getting the disgusted up and down glare from DH.  Possibly have him want me more?

12) to fit in fashionably.  Yes, I can do it ok.  But this fashion trend of boots over jeans?  I can't find a pair of boots that go over my ankles or calves.  I have ugly legs.  

13) it's been a while I have been looked at in an attractive way.  I want to be desired.  To feel like I am worth it.  To be cherished.  

14) to not worry I may break my bed...yes, planks have broken.  My grandfather made me this bed as a wedding present.  I want this to last.

15) I want to sit in a tailgating seat without worrying about its weight limit... Yes, this petrified me.  I know there are big people ones. I got one for 250lbs, and broke it during its 2nd use.  Horrifying.  Tailgating, drive-ins, hanging outside to watch kids play are all my nightmare.  

16)...this one I am trying to prevent.  We are going to disney in July.  We are flying.  I don't want to get stuck with an additional seat charge.

17) another vaca issue.  Needing a queen bed or higher.  Have you tried to sleep in a double with SO and you are both over 200lbs?  Or at least one of you is bigger?  The constant fear of falling out of bed keeps you from sleeping comfortably.

As anyone can plainly see, I have a lot that I dislike.  I am hoping to turn this list to things I overcame.  I sure hope it's a possibility.

One can hope...

So, here I am again at a tough point in my life.  I am miserable, and I put myself into this position.  No one told me to be inactive and overeat.  I chose too.  I know the tools to make it better, to change.  I have known it for years.  I have done it before, I can do it again.  I had help before, and now I am scared to ask for that help again.  I need to set small goals first.  Here are some things I need to do:

1.  Stick to this for a bare minimum of 28 days.  Why 28 days?  That is a habit forming amount of time. 

2. I HAVE to exercise.  I hate to exercise, hate it.  What do I like?  Walking.  I do like those walking videos.  

3. I need to make the time to exercise.  No excuses.  None.  

4. Portion control.  Limit breads, sweets, dairy, and crap.  More water, veggies, fruit, and protein.  I love beer too. I love to wind down with a cold one (or 5) on Saturdays. 

5. Ask DH for help.  This is the hardest.  We came together 6 years ago and combined lost 130lbs.  Isn't that amazing?  I gained back 50lbs, and I am pretty sure he gained back about 35lbs.  He is in the zone of exercising (however not eating right) and I am just not there at all.  

I am currently at 256lbs.  I am 5'9".  I am in a size 20 pants, and 0-1xl top.  I wear a wide size 10 shoe.   I want to make small attainable goals.  

3 weeks - 5 lbs (Jan. 11)

6 weeks- 12lbs (Feb 1)

9 weeks - 20lbs (Feb. 22)

3 months - 25lbs (March 22)

4 months - 35lbs (April 19)

5 months - 45lbs (May 17)

6 months - 55lbs (June 14)

7 months - 65lbs (July 12)

Exercise, portion control, determination, hard work, Brad, and God.